we're back!!!!

We are so excited to be back at the Bum Boat!! For a minute there (ok like 2 weeks, regular time) things were hanging in the balance, and another visit to the very best restaurant in town seemed like a long shot, and the Hemingway Complex was bummed, but look! Everything is as it should be! I love how they never fail to show up for the senior special - their most romantic dates are at like 3 pm. Will they order shrimp scampi? Is the Bum Boat on stilts, or is it floating? Will Dr Corey's hair get grey again as the date wears on?

"Mistakes were made"

This strip is freaking out the Hemingway Complex, because: "Mistakes were made" is a phrase invoked by governmental bodies when it becomes obvious that they have done something unforgiveable, and they have to acknowledge it without actually apologizing or taking responsibility for it. (Ex: Ronald Reagan with the Iran-Contra affair, the Clintons during Whitewater, George Bush about the Iraq war, as well as Henry Kissinger, Ulysses Grant, Richard Nixon, John McCain, et al.) As regards dear Mary, is she parroting what she's been hearing on the news since she was young (the Grant administration), or is she actually admitting that her twisted love life has resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians?

And: is this actually Dr Corey? Because when did he dye his hair and get some clothes from this decade?

shrimp scampi

Sorry for the long pause; the Hemingway Complex is just now awakening from a coma of boredom brought on by Mary on her couch in an outfit for a month, the minx. It's good to be conscious again so that we can wake up on a Sunday morn and witness this:

Imagine waking up one day in Charterstone and having to forage for food in Mary's kitchen? Even the spice jars are empty. Only raw seafood , culled no doubt from tainted waters, leaves an infectious trail across the countertop. Thus Mary feeds. At least one person would be delighted to partake in this nightmare:

yawn

um, the hemingway complex is bored to death. the hemingway complex did not think anyone could be more boring than jeff. ooh your calendar is going to fill up with work obligations? that makes me want to go out with you so bad. sersly, call me.

also, mary could get some serious meddling done if she had access to the town council. i mean, that's power. the only way that this plot point could interest the hemingway complex again would be if Mary starts also dating his lame brother. was his brother the one that wore too-small sweatshirts? maybe he's more the bad boy type that this god-awfully boring strip needs.

Whoa

There's just something off about today's argument. It's not the goldenrod couch or the fuschia walls, and it's not Dr Jeff's sulky faces. I think it's Dr Jeff himself, standing up to Mary . . . after all these years of subservience . . . saying all the things we've been thinking . . .

Perhaps one of the artists responsible for the strip has gone away for the holiday weekend. Perhaps they've left the newbie in charge. All the slights and discarded ideas of the many months of toiling away drawing an aging, meddling creep are boiling over into sheer fury. Fury at the Mary Worth canon, at Saunders, and most of all, at Mary herself. She takes up a pencil and begins to sketch out a sweatsuit . . .

ummm, what?

well, the hemingway complex has not blogged for awhile (hope we have not lost our 2 readers forever!!!!), lulled into a stupor by days and days of the same cryptic, non-plot-advancing, non-revelations from mary worth. today's strip shocked the h.c. back into blogging by its very anti-climactic-ness. like, is that the best meddling you can do, mary worth? the h.c. thinks not!!! that was a sorry excuse for meddling. an un-respect-commanding threat to call security, then asking donna if that's ok? the h.c. expects more meddling! the h.c. would also like to see less too-small-sweatshirt-wearing, but that may be too much to ask. mary best step up her game, and pronto. otherwise, what was the point of the last month? that one non-event in her childhood inspired her to half-assed, ineffective quasi-meddling? the h.c. is unimpressed. where's dawn and what's his name?

WHAT?!

Oh my god, this is the dumbest thing the Hemingway Complex has ever read! What an outrage! All this time we've been waiting for the true story behind Mary's lifetime of meddlesomeness, and this is it? It doesn't even make any sense! It's like, I am who I am because of this formative experience in which nothing actually happened, though I will intimate that something horrible befell Cathy! Mary, you f-ing blueballer, let Toby go back to the party which has already lasted a month and see if they've gotten out the burgers yet.

nothing to explain! at all!

ok, the hemingway complex was very patient on this one. even didn't make fun of sad mary for a few days. but sersly? maybe you're finding it hard to explain because there is nothing to explain! it's a straightforward idea that even a dunce could understand. you said in the first panel, and in one-two panels per strip for the past trillion days!!! toby is like, please stop explaining! by the time we get back to the charterstone pool party - it will be summer and the fat guy will have eaten all the burgers!!!! god!

ummmm

soooo....basically this is too sad for even the hemingway complex to make fun of. nothing funny to say about sad kids being overwhelmed by a nice gesture. still waiting for the root of the compulsion to meddle however. does someone being nice to you = meddle in the lives of others? who knew?

tough times

Oh, I see. She meant that her home was literally broken. Judging from that front yard, that's because it's in the middle of a flood.

Continuing: whaaaat?

I know that the authors of this strip, Moy and Giella, are working hard at learning to draw children appropriately - no midget adults, no bulbous heads. But something doesn't feel quite right about these two panels. It's like listening to someone with a speech impediment singing along to their Walkman.
But it's nice to see that somebody gave these kids a miniature playhouse, complete with toy-sized trees. Apparently they had those at the turn of the century.

lost in the space/time continuum with dungarees on

Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this. We're still headed toward "How I Learned to Meddle" by Mary Worth and the mark of doom is on that little girl. What tragedy is going to befall Cathy?

The Hemingway Complex has a children's cookbook from the 80s wherein the Flash goes to a potluck dinner. Beforehand he prepares a cake in nanoseconds. The cooling-down stage is accomplished with mighty breath that looks quite a bit like what Cathy and Mary are doing to that dandelion. Only, where from that illustration we end up with cake, in this one a flower is defoliated with the children's Napalm breath and we end up with some sort of gem.

As far as the bewildering timeline eveidenced in this strip, I feel it's important to note that Mary's character first appeared in 1939, at which time she was supposed to be sixty years old. From her activities and sporty pantsuits it seems she is now supposed to be about 65 years old. In any case, Mary would have been a child at the end of the nineteenth century. So what's with the jeans and ponytails?

hey wait

Great! Someone gave that little girl curtains and trimmed her bangs.
But wait - is this just a filler day, repeating what we know so far (Mary has struggled), or have we skipped right to the end of the story? I'm hoping for this to pan out over at least a week of sordid scenes, at least one of which actually explains Mary's ominous "My childhood made me what I am" trailer, so we'd better be seeing some action. Got that, Giella?

Little Orphan Mary

The Hemingway Complex is delirious from this astonishing strip but we are trying to hold it together to analyze just a little bit. Foremost: "broken home"! When did Mary learn that phrase? Then: divorced parents means malnourished and miserable orphan? Then: I thought she was looking out a window into gray bleakness but someone said she is looking at an empty pantry? And: This is the horrid past of poor Mary Worth? Hungry and alone? It explains her control issues, but the straight-up nosiness - in tomorrow's strip is she going to listen through the wall as the well-fed family in the next tenement apartment engages in melodrama that brings them to ruin merely because Mary kept her silence? And then she vows never to keep quiet on any issue again? And when does she get some food? Remember how a psychic moved into the building a few years ago (or last week maybe, by MW time) and after Mary brought her a casserole she disappeared? Is she back at the pool party where Toby woke up thinking she was going to go have a fun time and is now instead trapped on a bench for three weeks listening to Mary's tale of woe and Mother's best wasn't enough?
Now, look at Mary gazing into the past at her shivering orphan child self casting a creepy shadow (or has a silhouette baby shuffling up to her)! We're having nightmares just looking at it.
Now what? Does Mary get farmed out to some hick foster family? Does her Mommy Dearest make an appearance? It's only three days til Sunday and whatever is going to happen then only God knows, and maybe Toby who from her vantage point on the bench can see where this is all headed and is biding her time til she can run away and throw herself off a cliff.
We're still lightheaded. We've been on top of this strip for at least 20 years and Miserable Mary the Flashback has certainly never made an appearance before. The Hemingway Complex might even have to post on this one twice!

Soooooo interesting

I have to say that I love this new theme. (It's a theme, not merely a plot, because obviously we're going to be working on it for a long, long time.) Mary makes ominous references to her past while Toby gives comfort/dies of boredom. And so far, the dramatic revelation is that Mary was a latchkey child. (Stunned gasps from audience.) And she's still a latchkey child deep inside! Actually, outside! Look at that sulky pose. Did somebody write a letter asking for more in-depth background on the character of Mary? Or did Moy just take it upon herself to explain why Mary is so meddlesome? Cause this is clearly where it started: Mary wanted somebody to meddle with her! And nobody did! And now she is doomed to always meddle! Cause meddling is for the best!
Poor Toby, under pain of death, has to listen to this drivel, but inside she's like, I really want to get back to that pool party.

fraught with

wow - today's strip rules so hard!! i was going to make a montage of all of mary's thoughtful expressions from this strip, but that seemed like way too much work, so just check em' out on your own. 6-7 different meaningful looks!

other stuff that rules really hard:
1. 2 crazy charterstone winter pool party attendees in the background of the title panel! crazy enough to even put background characters in a throwaway panel! i so admire the artistry of this strip. guy in the blue is all jauntily swinging his arm to attract the attention of guy in the gray. don't fall down that random staircase, guy in the gray!! um, pretty much there could be a spinoff to the hemingway complex entirely devoted to background characters - so unnecessary that their very existence renders them awesome.

2. toby throws away all the cookies between panels 1 and 2.

3. drew and vera are still wandering around in panel 3, and vera has a t-rex arm.

4. mary's hand gesture in panel 6 is the 2nd best thing ever drawn. (the first best was a bunch of animals drawn by the hemingway complex's younger brother circa 2005. still featured on the hemingway complex's refridgerator to this day.)

5. wide varieties of flora featured, such as evergreens, palms, weird trees and rocks.

6. toby's gigantic head and different-type face.

7. the hope that mary is finally going to provide us with a good reason that she is such an insane meddler. this better be worth it!!!! the hemingway complex can't even imagine what could have happened to one in childhood to give one such a pervasive sense of overconfidence in one's advice-giving? like, as an impressionable child, one watched someone not meddle in someone else's life and disaster ensued? then the child was like, i must always meddle and spout platitudes? i can't wait!!!!!! i hope the flashback is drawn in b/w with old-timey background characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

let's aim a little lower

um, what are drew and vera doing together at the charterstone pool party in panel 1? moy and giella - you don't have to draw so many gd background/foreground/middleground characters!! the hemingway complex knew it would get you into trouble someday! fat guy hogging the buffet would have been fine. you can barely even see mary and toby. all of a sudden moy's like, giella - you just drew drew and vera - their love story ended tragically remember? waiting on a star? mustard boss? vietnam? member? kinda sorta maybe? abort abort! zoom in on a couple everyone had forgotten about so mary can gloat about her meddling! she's all, remember folks, my meddling does good. if you think otherwise - you're going in the ice-cold march pool. sorry i made y'all come to a pool party in the winter. i just didn't know how else to parade around the subjects of past meddling!

Onward!

OH MY GOD! We're at Charterstone Pool Party, the best party of the summer!

Only, it's barely March. Is the Hemingway Complex on crazy pills? Because the last time we were here, it was summer, and then Drew had some crappy dates, and then Mary had a dog and gave it back 10 minutes later, and then Drew had another crappy date and here it is summer again. What? What? What is this time warp? Here the Hemingway Complex was under the impression that Charterstone time just moved very slowly (e.g. "Waiting For A Star To Fall" playing at a coffeeshop) but apparently it has sped up. Or does Mary have the ability to wind time backwards and change details to suit her whims? Are we actually at last year's pool party?!

PS, old Drew has not fared well. Here he was on track to change his life for the better and go have some fun, but Mary has strong-armed everybody to get her way (which is, Drew off to Vietnam, and no more competition for Jeff's attention). Classic evil stepmother! I think Drew recognizes what is happening to him as the plane takes off with him trapped inside:

Especially since he is backwards from the seats. He's freaking out in there, being sent off to contract cholera and be heard from nevermore.

ummm, what?

what's the rush moy and giella? are mary and jeff going to run away and move as soon as he gets on the plane? so drew will come back and be like, guys, guys guess what? i'm different, i'm a better man, etc vomit etc... guys? guys? where are you? dr. jeff somehow got younger in the future, or learned about hair dye. he also learned about the color green. either way, makes mary look super old. like, um, hey jeff, teach mary about hair dye too! it will help you start your new lives on the lam from your lame son. who wears mom jeans. all in all, great strip! really maxed it out in terms of background characters. almost, i mean. they could have shoved someone weird in between drs.' cory weird embrace/false threat in panel 2, or between drew and mary's deathgrip on her purse. there's robbers at the airport. or, for that matter between dr. jeff and drew's manpurse in panel 1 - how did i almost miss that? safe flight drew corey!!!!

bizarro

here's what i love about today's strip.

1. drew's crotch is drawn all crazily and extra tall/long/whatever. just looks crazy.

2. mary's pants turned into a skirt. and she's still maintaining a fake pose of shocked-ness at drew's decision.

actually, guess i didn't really explain the title of the post about 2/26's strip, which came up in a hemingway complex discussion about whether or not jeff and mary should be shocked about drew's decision. on the one hand, they've been oh-so-not-subtly telling him to go to vietnam instead of being rich and unsuccessfully hitting on rich ladies in winter/summer wonderlands. i bet moy and giella draw some sweet 80s style ski outfits. and the background characters would have been awesome! maybe they would have tried to draw a rad or hip snowboarder! anyway, we know drew can't really think for himself, so of course he would do what they tell him. on the other hand, drew is the selfishest person not alive, can't even help anyone at his current job, so why would he go? oh well, i'm sure he will be wildly unhelpful and self-centered whatever continent he's on. can't wait!

the selfishest person not alive

several things i love about this strip.

1. a few days later... wtf??!!! advancing time instead of killing us slowly with the same few minutes over and over again and recapped and most of the strip being something that already happened? i know crazy moy and giella have been on fast forward lately but wow. awesome. has mary been sleeping over at dr. jeff's house all this time? does she keep a stock of old lady outfits over there? is she borrowing dr. jeff's favorite salmon sweatshirt and slacks combo?

2. dr. jeff is so boring! mary must be wishing she kept chester right about now because then she would have an excuse not to see him and she could let him think that there was another man in her condo etc etc.

3. what's with the expressions of shock about drew's choice? they've only been hitting him over the head with a vietnam hammer for the past week, and ostensibly continued in the unseen "few days".

well, i guess that's all i love about this strip. actually, only #1 was something i loved. the other 2 were just observations. also in general i love how lame and delusional drew is. he makes me feel better about myself and my lame love life.

Birds attack; Jeff supports

That first panel! Are we still in Mary Worth? Who wrote that? Apparently we're getting into some authentically feelings-based territory here. (As opposed to the usual lunacy-based territory opon which is built Charterstone Condo Complex.)

It seems Jeff and Mary are having two different conversations. Jeff's is, My weird son is fucked up after one date in which he sat at a table. Now he has to change his life and go windsurfing in a foreign country. Mary's all, "I decided that Drew will go to Vietnam." Jeff: I must let him know I'm here for him. Mary: I said Vietnam!

So the characters have been getting out of their condos and into that park pretty regularly these days. Today, something sinister is happening. The man in panel 3: is he feeding the seagulls? Because everyone else is running away from them. The woman in the last two panels - you know who she is, right? That's Vera, breaker of Drew's heart, spastic rider of horses, and A-1 snazzy dresser. She's rushing by Jeff, which is smart, because he is so out to get her. He's gonna make her pay for turning his cartoonishly delighted offspring into a despairing, 65-year-old-looking sad man. That's why he's wearing a sweatsuit. He's bringing a new level of crime not seen in this retirement community since that dog hit-and-run last month.

PS, where is Dawn Weston these days? Last we saw of her, she was all furious on a horse and then going out to dinner with her dad. When is she going to come back with her rage and her fashion choices?

The first panel is sad and platitudinous enough, but that second panel - ! That's where Mary shows her grade-A sadomasochistic chops. Check out the look of deranged fury on her face! And where do you think she vents it? Check out Jeff's look of startled terror! "Lead each other to the necessary lessons . . ." - that's some creepy shit, Mary Worth.

Thankfully, Drew is turned away so he can't see this exchange. Nor can he see that his formerly checkered coat which later turned brown has now turned goldenrod to match the snazzy living room decor. Also, you know those shadow portraits that they do when you're in second grade and a parent helper traces your shadow onto some paper? Their whole family snapshot collection is done in this, um, evocative style.

Has anyone else noticed that Drew, Jeff and Mary are all drawn with basically the same face?

"Drew," he said to his son in a husky voice, "please do what Mary says. Just look around - our man-cabin has pink drapes and Georgia O'Keefe-ish art on the walls. I sit on a goldenrod couch all day and neither of us ever go to our jobs at the hospital. We're not in charge anymore, Drew. If Mary wants you to go to Vietnam and contract an unspecified disease, then that's what needs to be done. Please, do it for your Dad."

return to awesome

Whooo! We're going back to Vietnam! Let's go celebrate at the Bum Boat!!!!

speculation

So many suicide foreshadows, and yet I really doubt that any harm is coming to Dr. Drew Corey. He's already been through so much - a two-week date with Vera during which he drank a mug of water, finding out that Vera faked him out about wanting to hook up again, and confessing his naive love only to get brutally rejected. Can't a man just hang out on a cliff and recoup?

I hope it doesn't take too much away from the man's sense of drama to point out that the cliff in question is only about 15 feet high; trees are taller than the road. Even if Dr. Drew Corey decides to really get "away from it all", the most action we can hope for is busting through that little fence and careening down the gentle slope beyond for like 1 second before landing unscathed on some grass. Hey, and how come, even though he showed up for his date in a checkered blazer and driving a pink SmartCar, he's driving away in a brown coat and a black car? Probably cause the date lasted so long his inspection sticker expired and he had to steal a car, so he just wore whatever they had lying around on the seat.

In all this time that we've been precoccupied with this hellish and bizarre dating scenario (meeting up with someone you're not interested in to tell them that you're now dating your boss), what do you suppose Mary's got herself up to?
-Planning Charterstone's annual pool party
-Holding Toby at gunpoint
-Munching away on that 20-lb bag of kibble she bought for Chester
-Feeding the ducks at the zoo
-Using a glass held against the wall to listen to her neighbors' conversations
-Making it in the staff lounge at the hospital with Dr. Jeff Corey

Come on!

What is it, Vera? What?! WHAT??

One Hot Date

This date is off to a great start. First Vera shows up in a parka and tries to make out with Drew. He resists but thinks excited thoughts in his thought bubble. Now Vera has taken off her parka to reveal a matching blazer/skirt set. Drew in his houndstooth is digging the cafe's craptastic sound system and eagerly trying to make Vera reminisce about their romance, even though all they did was go on a miserable failure of a date involving horses and infidelity, yet here they are on a date again, and if he's really so psyched for this "second chance" why is he bring up their checkered past? Vera, so demonstrative a moment ago, is gazing sulkily into her water glass. Drew is of course oblivious, and so ready to make it work this time that he is doing like a gentleman does: also ordering just water.

Really, any dude with the cajones to drive around in a pink car deserves a second chance.

Also curious: it's been months since the "incident" with Dawn and Vera? In real life it has - that took place in the fall - but in Mary Worth Time that happened about a week and a half ago. Unless we are to believe that MW Time follows real actual time, which would mean that Mary's bike ride lasted for two and a half weeks, her teatime with Toby spanned three days, and Dr. Drew Corey's fabled courtship of Vera consisted of two dates.

What's that, Drew?

I'm so curious just what Drew thinks is going on. After all, this is a man who despite his alleged intelligence (the man is a doctor, after all) has misjudged every social situation he's ever been showcased in. A pool party, dating Dawn, dating Vera, horeback riding, and even talking on the phone have proved too much for our Dr. Drew to navigate. The rest of us might view such a situation and think something like:
1. Vera wants some closure.
2. Vera's giving him a booty call.
3. Vera is knocked up.
4. Dr. Drew Corey has something of Vera's, like a figurine or a piece of lingerie (or the Mary Worth universe equivalent, which would probably be riding boots or a down parka) that she wants back but doesn't want it sent through the mail.

Dr. Drew is thinking:
1. Vera wants me back!!!
2. If we go on another date, I can wear my marlinspike shirt!!!
3. Vera loves me, she love love loves me!!!!!
4. I'll take her out for a drink at the Bum Boat!!!!
5. Awesome!!!!!!!!

It's a bit startling that that first panel is so crowded with people, none of whose actions are very clear. I'm digging this whole sequence in the dog park, though. Apparently it is a place where you can weave in and out of wooded areas from second to second, and it's normal to walk next to, rather than on, the paved path. Large buildings suddenly loom up in the background, and strangers get really close to you and make odd excited gestures. Just the kind of place where Drew would go jogging in jeans and hope for some Vera action!

yes!!!

the hemingway complex is so psyched!! back in 2007, the hemingway complex confessed that, in desperation, the hemingway complex would turn to the insane female characters of mary worth as models to navigate the dating world. vera and dawn were so hardcore in their dumping of dr. marlin! they really told him what's what. plus, they were crazily awesome while they were dating him, acting like total maniacs, being in love with a dunce, and coming up with gems like this one:

then, for being so hardcore, they just all of a sudden want to talk to him again? this is helpful to the hemingway complex, as it adds a lot of leeway - basically, one can exhibit any behavior one wants, and still be following the guidelines. it's great. like say a suitor wants to meet up with you again late at night after some too-long amount of time. one could be outraged, cause a scene, and say stuff like "healer of hearts, breaker of mine" and make "talk-to-the-hand" hand gestures, or one could call up that suitor and be sorry for the way one left things, like it was one's fault! amazingly liberating. can't wait til dawn gets wind of this. will they suddenly, independently have the urge to go horseback riding again? or will it be the early bird special at the bum boat?maybe vera will be all, dr. marlin, you are a successful dr. or professional, why don't you have a top sheet/working bathroom light?

also, if vera is pregnant, moy and giella gots to learn how to draw kids, not just mini sized adults in baseball caps like this creepy fellow:

also, do they think there is some type of baseball cap minimum to adhere to in terms of

background characters? like, what?

wish the hemingway complex luck, we have a date tonight!!

the next plot twist

"Drew, I'm pregnant."

shut up mary/drew tries to get high

you'll note that as mary waxes poetic about past events, toby is desperately trying to cover her ears, while communicating silently with her eyes to that squirrel - pounce, now! sersly mary! you've been talking about animals loving with simplicity and purity since 10/31/2007! and, for as much as you heart animals, you can give em up on a dime to sadistic strangers who name their pets lame names! you just reminded us yesterday about how giving you are. i hope you disposed of your magical coffee cup in the proper receptacle. anyhoo, new year, new topic!











we here at the hemingway complex were thinking we might see mr. marlin shirt this year. hope that dawn weston will also be back soon to inspire us all with her spunky, no-nonsense approach to dating and romance. memo to dr. drew: you might get more high if you didn't run in jeans.

An Apology

Dearest Readers,

We, the Hemingway Complex, owe you, our readership, a big apology for our absence from the blog. Do not think that we have gone anywhere, or decided to forego sharing our insights, or that our fascination with Mary Worth has somehow ended (especially do not think that, because such a thing is not even possible). No, we have been in such a state of shock from Mary's recent actions that we have been unable to even pry our fingers from our keyboard and type these urgent messages.

Here's a quick rundown of what has transpired of late (the Hemingway Complex has a bottle of smelling salts next to our computer, should we be overcome while looking at these astonishing strips):

On Christmas, when the rest of the comics world gathered their characters together with jaunty scarves and mugs of cocoa to wish us the warmest of holidays, here's what Moy and Giella came up with:

Holidays greetings, indeed. Then Mary challenges the guy on the phone to prove that Chester is really his. Instead of coming up with vet records or his microchip papers, this is his response:

A normal person might be like "Whatever, prank caller," especially at Charterstone, because in this world there is no such thing as a gun. Not Mary!

MARY KILLED CHESTER!

Then she decides to give him back. Before she does, she spends a lot of time talking to her sudden BFF Toby about her feelings.

I guess they're having scones for tea, but why's Toby eating it with a spoon? Mary's like, "That's all you're allowed to have, since you put these terrible events into motion." Notice that in the second panel we're viewing them from the other side, as though we are standing in the corner. So why are we facing a wall several feet away? Also, that was a real quick shirt switcharoo from Mary.

Next, we have returned the dog at Hudson Dog Park:

Off goes Chester. On goes Mary about the virtues of animals in people's lives. And out comes a coffee cup from Mary's empty hand.